Equality in a relationship means that both partners are equally respected, valued, and loved. It means both have their needs met, both feel like their voices are heard, and both feel like the other is investing an equal amount into the relationship.
But maintaining that balance is difficult; as we know, the dynamics can shift. Sometimes we lose power, feel less loved, and feel like we’re no longer on equal footing.
Equality In A Relationship
I want to help you regain that romantic equilibrium.
To do so, we’re not going to use any manipulation tactics or mind games. Instead, we’ll use tried and true methods to help you find that equality once again.
How Not To Regain Equality In A Relationship
If you’re here, it means that you’re already taking action towards creating a more balanced relationship. But taking action and making progress aren’t the same things.
When a man feels an imbalance in a relationship, his gut reaction is to take extreme measures to get what he wants.
That normally comes in two forms.
One way is to appear overly needy, controlling, and desperate. This may look like love bombing, laying down rules for the relationship, or asserting yourself in ways that feel unnatural. When you try to regain equality by lashing out like this, you’ll come across as a man of little value and will even further alienate her.
On the other end of the spectrum, you can act indifferently. This may look like applying the no-contact rule, ignoring her, and appearing aloof. When you act too cool for the relationship, she’ll see right through you. Maybe for a day or two, she’ll give you the attention you’ve been craving, but soon enough, she’ll view you as childish or assume that you don’t care about her.
A Happy Middle Ground
Men’s two gut reactions when they feel inequality in their relationships are to act desperate or aloof.
These are the two ends of the spectrum. What you want to do is find that happy middle ground that will reset the balance in your relationship.
To do so there are four actions you need to take.
Respond and Not Reacting
Better communication always takes place when you set aside time to talk.
What I mean by that is, so many of us have become accustomed to having 15 conversations at once. We’re talking with friends in person, while simultaneously texting, shooting direct messages on IG, and emailing all at the same time.
It’s easy to feel the knee-jerk reaction to message someone back as soon as your phone vibrates, especially if it’s your partner.
But when you do this, you’re reacting to a message instead of responding to one. A responsive message is one that you put thought and care into.
So the next time your partner reaches out whether it be in person or online, only respond if you can give that conversation your full attention. Doing so will result in a well-thought-out message being sent as opposed to mindless word vomit.
Dedicating specific time to give your partner your full attention also communicates not only her value to you, but your value to her.
A man who responds to every text within seconds appears as though he has nothing else going on in his life. Responding immediately will make her imagine that you only exist when she’s interacting with you, as opposed to you living your own complex life. You’re not some non-playable character who only comes to life when she interacts with you.
If you feel like you’re spending every day waiting by your phone until she messages, you need to fill up your cup with purpose. Find new hobbies, hang with friends and family, and create a well-rounded life for yourself that you’ll still enjoy even if your partner isn’t in your life.
And this brings us to the second way you can find equality and balance in your relationship.
Interdependent Relationship
If you’re married there’s a good chance that when you said your vows you told your wife that she is your everything. Your best friend, lover, partner in crime, confidant, and future mother of your children along with ten other labels.
I’ll be honest, that’s a lot of pressure. It’s difficult to wear 15 hats in a relationship. It’s difficult to rapidly switch between being your friend, then lover, then tennis partner, then mother in a short period of time.
The reality is that this one person who you love more than anyone else in the world can’t be your everything. And as such you shouldn’t ask her to be your everything. Relying on your wife to fill all these different roles in your life isn’t fair and it creates an overdependence on one person.
Instead of being inseparable and having your entire life revolve around this one person, use a village to feel socially fulfilled. Have friends, family members, and other humans in your life that fill other roles. Not only will they be better suited for certain roles but gives your relationship the space it needs to thrive.
Being your own person and having your independence is what your wife wants. As much as she’s madly in love with you she also wants her own space to live her own life. No partner, regardless of their love for the other wants to be attached at the hip.
This is one of the most important things you can do to ensure that there is equality in a relationship, but there’s one more change I want you to implement to cultivate that balance.
Figure Out What You Both Want
When you feel powerless in a relationship, you might be tempted to impose yourself. To demand what you want, to control your partner, and to assert your needs and desires above all else.
This is an unhealthy attempt to win back equality in a relationship quickly.
She’s not going to suddenly respect you more or give in to your every demand if you behave like an ass.
Instead, you want to understand what your partner wants while advocating for yourself and coming to a compromise. An equal relationship is one where both parties respect and listen to one another.
If you feel like you and your partner don’t always communicate in a way that allows you both to hear and understand each other’s wants and desires, be the one who sets the tone for the conversation. Learn about what she wants and why she thinks the way she does. Show her you’re actively listening by recapping what she says and asking follow-up questions.
Once you’re sure you understand her point of view, it’s time to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Ask for permission to share your thoughts, and when you do, turn it into a dialogue. Ask her what she thinks and feels about your opinion and work to move towards a solution that works for both of you.
Cultivate Equality, Don’t Just Take It
Equality in a relationship requires buy-in from both of you.
Taking equality is a one-sided approach that might serve you in the short run, but it won’t lead to a sustainable relationship. So if you go home to your partner and start making demands, raising your voice, and laying down the law, sure, there might be a short-term power shift, but trust me, it won’t last.
The opposite of this is working every day to cultivate equality. It means working to change how you and your partner communicate, listen to each other, value one another, and share quality time together. It looks like building healthy habits and not ditching them the second you feel the relationship is more equal.
If you want to shift the dynamics of a relationship, accept that the only way to do so isn’t through mind games or manipulation but through the creation of healthy habits that lead to a healthy relationship.
To learn how to create an equal partnership, book a 1-on-1 Zoom call so we can learn more about your relationship, goals, and how we can help you achieve them.
