Deciding whether to have sex on the first date can be difficult. On the one hand, you’ve got natural urges and desires, but on the other, you want to make sure you do the right thing for your potential relationship.
We know all too well what it’s like to navigate this delicate part of the dating game, but honestly, it doesn’t have to be that big of a deal.
We’ve broken down some common questions about having first-date sex and offered some reasons for and against getting down and dirty from the start to help you make your own decision.
Is Sex on a First Date a Good Idea?
Whether to have sex on a first date really depends on the people and the vibe of the date.
For some, it might feel natural and fun to explore that connection, while others might prefer to wait because it fits better with their values or comfort level.
There’s no hard rule that says sex on a first date is a bad idea; what really matters is that everyone’s on board and feels good about it.
Getting intimate early on is a personal choice, and it should be about what both of you want and are ready for. Just remember, the most important thing is to have safe sex if you end up going for it.
| Sex on First Date Statistics
Research from Lovehoney shows almost half of people (49% to be exact) have had sex on a first date. When you break it down by gender, 59% of men have done it compared to 43% of women. These numbers tell us that people have different views on getting intimate early on and may have various reasons for doing so. |
Reasons for Having Sex on a First Date
If you’re on the fence about having sex on your upcoming first date, there are a few reasons why you might want to just dive in.
To help you understand where you stand on the topic, here are some good reasons to have sex with someone on a first date.
1) Test Sexual Compatibility
Testing sexual compatibility on the first date can be a great way to see if there’s potential for a satisfying, long-term connection, especially if you have a high libido.
Getting intimate early on lets you find out if you and your date share similar desires, rhythms, and passion levels. When you have a high libido, sexual compatibility can be key to a successful relationship and overall happiness.
By figuring out early on if you’re in sync, you can save yourself the time and emotional investment with someone who might not meet your needs.
Believe us, there’s nothing worse than investing time and energy to find out they can’t satisfy you in the bedroom!
2) Because You Want To
Being horny and just wanting to is a perfectly valid reason to have sex on a first date. If you’re choosing to get intimate because you genuinely feel like it, it’s a great way to embrace your sexuality and have an experience that feels right for you.
It’s all about listening to what you need and want and making choices that match your comfort level and values.
When it’s about mutual attraction and genuinely enjoying each other’s company, it can lead to a memorable experience without worrying about what society thinks.
In the end, the best reason to have sex on a first date is simply because the date went well and both you and your date are into it, making it a choice based on genuine desire, not obligation.
3) Because There’s Nothing Shameful About It
In today’s world, where societal norms keep changing, it’s time to let go of the outdated stigma about having sex on a first date, especially for women.
For too long, old-school attitudes have said women should act a certain way, as if their worth drops if they get intimate early on. But embracing your sexuality and making choices that empower you shouldn’t be something you feel ashamed of.
Everyone, both men and women, should be able to do what feels right for them without worrying about judgment.
The focus should be on mutual respect, consent, and having a good time, not on some old-fashioned rules.
| Remember, having sex on the first date does not make you…A slut
1. Worth any less |
Reasons to Not Have Sex on a First Date
Of course, if you’re not feeling it, there are also plenty of reasons why you wouldn’t want to have sex on a first date.
Here are some common reasons people choose not to have sex on a first date to help you articulate your reasoning if the topic comes up.
1) Because You’re Not Comfortable With It
Sometimes, you just don’t feel comfortable having sex on a first date, and that’s totally okay. Trust your gut – if something feels off, there’s no reason to push yourself or ignore your instincts.
It’s super important to listen to your own feelings and not get caught up in someone else’s expectations or timelines.
Feeling relaxed and safe is key, and putting your comfort first shows you respect your boundaries and know yourself well.
By honouring what feels right for you, you set clear personal limits and create a space where you can explore intimacy in a meaningful and healthy way at your own pace.
| If your date doesn’t respond well to being turned down or they ghost you afterwards, they were never worth your time in the first place. You’re more than just your body, and the issue lies firmly with them. |
2) Because You Want to Wait
Choosing to wait until you’ve been on more dates before having sex is totally fine, whether it’s based on a gut feeling or a random number of dates.
Sometimes, people want to wait until they feel more comfortable with someone, and that’s perfectly okay.
Setting your own timeline ensures you’re comfortable and really ready, which helps build a solid foundation for any relationship you’re exploring.
Whether it’s the third date or the tenth, waiting is about respecting your own comfort levels and making sure intimacy matches your personal values and emotional readiness.
3) Because You Need an Emotional Connection
For a lot of us, building an emotional connection is super important before diving into physical intimacy. It’s a personal thing and can really make it a more meaningful experience.
Having that bond often brings trust, understanding, and a sense of security, making a sexual relationship more satisfying.
Waiting for this connection isn’t just a valid reason to skip sex on the first date – it can actually lead to a deeper relationship over time (sometimes).
4) Because You’re Not in the Mood
Even if you’re usually up for sex on the first date, it’s totally fine to skip it if you’re just not feeling it that day. Your comfort and what you want should always come first.
Sometimes, things like stress, tiredness, or just not being in the mood can affect your decision, and that’s completely okay. Being true to how you feel and making a choice that fits your current mindset is key to your well-being.
Remember, every date is different, and your interest might change from day to day.
If you’re not in the mood, skipping the post-dinner fun shows you respect yourself and your date by keeping things honest and real.
| Just because you turn down sex, even if you’ve previously consented to it and changed your mind, doesn’t mean you’re playing hard to get. It’s always okay to change your mind. |
How Do You Say No to Sex on Your First Date?
Turning down sex on a first date should be done with kindness and clarity. It’s important to be genuine and communicate your boundaries confidently.
Here are a few ways to articulate your decision:
| 1. Be Honest & Direct: It’s usually best to just be straightforward. You could say something like, “I had a great time tonight, but I’m not quite ready to take things to a sexual level yet.” This way, your date knows you’re interested, but you prefer to take things slow. 2. Express Your Feelings Honestly: If you’re feeling unsure, it’s okay to be open about it. You might say, “I hope you get it, but I have a personal rule about not having sex on the first date. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page before taking that step.“ 3. Highlight the Importance of Comfort: It’s important to emphasise your need to feel comfortable. You could say, “I think you’re awesome, and I want to make sure we’re both comfortable and ready before getting intimate.” 4. Use Humor to Lighten the Mood: A little humour can help ease the situation. You might say, “I’m really enjoying our date and would love to see you again, but tonight, I’m keeping this outfit together – literally!” 5. Assert Your Boundaries with Respect: It’s crucial to be clear and respectful. You could say, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m not planning to have sex on our first date. I hope that’s cool because I’m really excited about getting to know each other right now.” |
Ultimately, the key is being true to yourself and ensuring that both you and your date understand your sexual boundaries, which can actually foster more respect and trust in your budding relationship.
Is Sex on a First Date a Red Flag?
Hooking up on a first date isn’t necessarily a red flag. It’s a personal decision that varies for everyone.
What’s really important is that both people consent and feel comfortable with it. Some might find that getting intimate early helps them feel closer and figure out compatibility faster. Others might prefer to build a stronger emotional bond first.
There’s no one-size-fits-all rule, and everyone has their own boundaries and timelines. What really counts is mutual understanding and respect for each other’s preferences, not when you decide to get physical.
Sex on the First Date: What Guys Think
Opinions among guys about having sex on a first date can vary widely, often shaped by personal experiences, cultural influences, and individual values.
Here are some perspectives:
| 1. Some See It as a Positive Sign: For some guys, having sex on a first date can feel like a great sign of chemistry and attraction. They might like the chance to connect physically and enjoy the moment without worrying too much about traditional dating rules. 2. Others Prefer to Wait: On the other hand, some guys prefer to wait because they value building an emotional connection first. They might think that waiting helps create a more meaningful relationship with trust and understanding before jumping into a sexual relationship. 3. Concerned About Judgement: There are also guys who worry about being judged for wanting sex on a first date. They might be concerned that society’s stereotypes could make people assume the wrong things about their intentions or character. 4. Open to Flexibility: Lots of guys are pretty flexible and just go with the flow. They think that whatever happens on a first date should be based on the comfort and consent of both people rather than sticking to any set expectations. 5. Respect for Boundaries: Many guys respect personal boundaries and know how important consent and comfort are. They focus on making sure their date feels respected and that any decision to have sex is mutual and totally voluntary. |
Ultimately, guys, like everyone else, have diverse opinions about sex on the first date. The key is open communication, understanding, and respect for each individual’s choices and boundaries.
Sex on the First Date: What Women Think
When it comes to sex on the first date, women’s perspectives vary widely, influenced by individual beliefs, societal norms, and personal experiences.
Here are some common viewpoints:
| 1. Empowerment & Agency: For lots of women, deciding to have sex on the first date is all about feeling empowered and in control. They value the freedom to make their own choices and even make the first move. They aren’t interested in what society thinks or any stereotypes. 2. Seeking Emotional Connection: Some women like to wait because connecting emotionally is super important to them. They think that taking time to build trust and intimacy can lead to a more fulfilling and stable relationship. 3. Concern About Being Misjudged: Many women worry about being judged if they choose to have sex on a first date. They might be concerned about being labelled or misunderstood by their date. 4. Spontaneity & Chemistry: For others, it’s all about the chemistry and spontaneity of the moment. If everything feels right and they’re comfortable, they might go for a physical connection. 5. Setting Personal Boundaries: Personal boundaries matter a lot to many women. They want their limits to be respected and any decisions about sex to be mutual and consensual, making sure both people are comfortable with the level of intimacy. |
Overall, women’s thoughts on sex on the first date are diverse, reflecting a range of desires and considerations.
The most important factor remains mutual respect, clarity, and understanding between both parties involved.
Final Thoughts: Should You Have Sex on a First Date?
In the end, deciding to have sex on a first date is totally personal and can differ for everyone. It doesn’t really set the course for a relationship. What really counts is having mutual respect, communication, and consent.
Being open about what each person wants and feels comfortable with helps build a healthy foundation, whether sex is part of the early stages of the relationship or not.
You can find more dating and relationship tips and advice on the Finding The One blog to help you find lasting love online.
FAQs
What is the 3rd Date Rule?
The “3rd Date Rule” suggests waiting until the third date before becoming intimate, allowing time for building a connection and gauging compatibility. However, it’s ultimately up to personal comfort, so communication and mutual consent are key in any relationship.
Is Sex on a First Date Right or Wrong?
Sex on a first date isn’t inherently right or wrong. It depends on individual comfort, values, and mutual consent. What’s most crucial is open communication and ensuring both parties respect each other’s boundaries and preferences in the dating journey.
Is Sex on a First Date a Relationship Killer?
Having sex on a first date isn’t necessarily a relationship killer. The success of a relationship depends on mutual respect, communication, and understanding of each other’s needs and boundaries rather than whether you hook up early on.
Can Sex on the First Date Turn into a Relationship?
Yes, sex on the first date can turn into a serious relationship. What matters most is how both individuals engage with each other afterwards, focusing on communication, respect, and shared values to develop a deeper connection beyond the initial physical encounter.
Do Guys Lose Respect if You Sleep With Them on the First Date?
No, not all guys lose respect if you sleep with them on the first date. Respect depends on the individuals involved, their values, and the mutual understanding established. Open communication and trust are more significant factors in shaping respect within a relationship.
